"Until 136."

The traditional Jewish wish for someone to have a long life is, "until (the age of) 120 (years)."

For my first and future grandchildren, I am changing that wish to 136 years, the sum of 16 plus 120.

Avi became an uncle Monday night...and can't enjoy it.

(Updated post: Link to pictures added.)

Menachem and Rochel have a new baby boy.

My great joy is tempered only by the thought that this is yet another simcha that Avi has been cheated out of.

Cubs and Yankees

When the Cubs were knocked out of the payoffs, I could hear myself teasing Avi as I had done throughout the years, "Cubs s**k! They will always s**k!"

Tonight, he would have paid me back on the occasion of the Yankees' loss with his "Ha...ha! ha...ha!"

I can hear those "ha...ha"'s from his voice right now. I heard them as the Yankees were losing their two other games. I miss them.

Daily Sight

Until Avi's own computer was up and running, this picture was a daily sight of him at age 14 being on my computer, slouched in the corner of my office. Everyday, I would bug him to sit up straight and I would inquire about his homework...or lack thereof. If I did not like what I heard, I would password the computer, but it took me a while to learn that he had found a way to evade it (through the Go Back utility). Eventually, I managed to keep one step ahead of him...I think.

I'm now studying information technology on my own (CompTIA A+) in preparation for a new career, one that Avi might have taken. If only I knew then what I know now. I could have been a bigger help to Avi when he was building his computer. In fact, he would have appropriated and devoured my A+ manuals! There is so much that I could have been sharing with him right now (in between getting him to do some schoolwork).

Another Holy Day Season

We're in the midst of the second autumn Holy Day cycle since Avi's death. (I hate euphemisms like "passed away.") I again went through Rosh haShana and Yom Kippur by rote, assisting with the running of the services and mouthing most of the familiar prayers.

Avi used to fervently pray such lines as "write us in the book of life," which he believed literally. I refused to recite similar passages this year, in rebellion against the plain meaning of the words. Although I had never taken the words literally, always giving them poetic interpretations, I did not wish this time to undertake that academic exercise.

Likewise, I stayed away during Unetaneh Tokef, as I had done last year. I just did not want to be part of the moment.

We are now concluding Sukkot. For the first time, I had to build our sukkah without the assistance of any of my children. I still remember how Avi helped me two years ago.

As is the custom, we read Koheleth (Ecclesiastes) at synagogue this past Saturday. The author, whoever he was, had it right - "everything is vanity."

Maybe I'll elaborate.