Another Holy Day Season
We're in the midst of the second autumn Holy Day cycle since Avi's death. (I hate euphemisms like "passed away.") I again went through Rosh haShana and Yom Kippur by rote, assisting with the running of the services and mouthing most of the familiar prayers.
Avi used to fervently pray such lines as "write us in the book of life," which he believed literally. I refused to recite similar passages this year, in rebellion against the plain meaning of the words. Although I had never taken the words literally, always giving them poetic interpretations, I did not wish this time to undertake that academic exercise.
Likewise, I stayed away during Unetaneh Tokef, as I had done last year. I just did not want to be part of the moment.
We are now concluding Sukkot. For the first time, I had to build our sukkah without the assistance of any of my children. I still remember how Avi helped me two years ago.
As is the custom, we read Koheleth (Ecclesiastes) at synagogue this past Saturday. The author, whoever he was, had it right - "everything is vanity."
Maybe I'll elaborate.
Avi used to fervently pray such lines as "write us in the book of life," which he believed literally. I refused to recite similar passages this year, in rebellion against the plain meaning of the words. Although I had never taken the words literally, always giving them poetic interpretations, I did not wish this time to undertake that academic exercise.
Likewise, I stayed away during Unetaneh Tokef, as I had done last year. I just did not want to be part of the moment.
We are now concluding Sukkot. For the first time, I had to build our sukkah without the assistance of any of my children. I still remember how Avi helped me two years ago.
As is the custom, we read Koheleth (Ecclesiastes) at synagogue this past Saturday. The author, whoever he was, had it right - "everything is vanity."
Maybe I'll elaborate.
posted by Jay Lapidus at 8:43 AM
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