Introducing Chaim Avraham Yehudah!

                           Born July 31, 2022, 3 Menachem Av 5782 

                                 to Menachem and Rochel Lapidus.

Today, 25 Shevat, is Avi's 15th Yahrzeit.  He's been gone for almost as long as he's been alive.

On Facebook, I changed my profile picture and cover photo, and posted a memorial, which all drew dozens of comments and likes from North America and Israel from those who had known him and from those who wish they had. I made these visible to the public.

In his memory, Jordan, a first cousin once removed learned the Mishnayot for Tractate Hagiga. I joined him by learning the Mishnayot for Tractate Moed Katan.

 (I've been posting about Avi more on Facebook than here.)

Avi would have been 30 years old, the 5th day of Chanukah on December 15, 2020. His Chanukiya continues to be displayed with candles, but unlit.

For the first time since he died, I won't be chanting Avi's bar mitzvah sedra, Miketz, this week due to COVID-19 and walking hazards. Last year, I read at Menachem's, Avi's brother) shul, Lido Beach (NY) Synagogue. His 3 nephews and niece were present. They often ask about him. I hope that some day, one of them will name a son for him.

Avi Memorial Dedications 2018-2019

On the occasion of Avi's 12th yahrzeit, February 2018, we dedicated this Havdalah set brought back from Israel by Rabbi Adler. Avi was a regular at Shabbat Mincha and he had led Maariv at the end of Shabbat on the week that he died. This Havdalah set, engraved with Avi's name, perpetuates Avi's presence as we conclude Shabbat.

Harry and Robyn Weller were particularly close to Avi. Harry recalled how Avi would come up to him on Shabbat mornings to share a new insight into the week's sedra.

On Shabbat morning, February 2, 2019, the Wellers dedicated a new security lock for Beth David's Shabbat children's room upstairs.

Here is the text on the plaque pictured above.

The Children’s Lock is Dedicated

In loving Memory of

Avi Lapidus ז"ל

A wonderful young man, a precious neshama,

and a lover of Torah, mitzvot and gamilot chasadim,

on the occasion of his 13th Yarzeit.

May his memory continue to be a blessing for all.

27

Today would have been Avi's 27th birthday. In his memory, I'll be layning once again Mikketz, Avi's bar mitzvah sedra. His hanukiah remains on display and unlit for Chanukah.

It's been a while since my last post. Ora Halpern was awarded last June the last Avi Lapidus Memorial Prize at the Hebrew High School of New England graduation. Ora will be attending the University of Chicago in the fall of  2018 after her year in Israel.

Ora wrote that she will keep Avi in mind as she studies Torah. In addition, Ora has been interested in coding for a long time. This blog has inspired her to follow through by taking a course on coding at her new college.

Congratulations, Ora, and keep Avi's spirit going.

Photo by Moshe Teren

I was wrong about the Cubs!

I always used to tease Avi that the Cubs would never win the pennant. They were eternal losers.
If only Avi were able to see me proved wrong!

Avi remembered at Beth David; chess.

Congregants still share their recollections of Avi at Beth David and how proficient and fast a Torah reader he was.

His three nephews ages 8, 7 and 5 are interested in chess. I shared with them how good their uncle was and that he played chess online.

Tonight begins Avi's 10th yahrzeit

25 Shevat this year is on Thursday, just as it was ten years ago.
I am reliving each day from Shabbat through Shabbat in detail, like it was yesterday.

Tonight is the Fifth Night of Chanukah, the 25th Hebrew anniversary of Avi's birthday.
His favorite chanukiyah stands besides ours, but it continues to remain unlit.

Avi's Passover Haggadah

This year, at our sedarim, we continued our custom of placing a second empty wine cup on our table. The first was for Eliyahu. The second was Avi's cup.

This time, we had something more. I had found Avi's school Haggadah from his days at Solomon Schechter Day School. It contained the complete text and ruled pages for Avi's plentiful notes, probably from when he was in third or fourth grade.

There were the Four Questions. I heard Avi's voice chanting them as the youngest, just as he had done too many years ago.

Ninth Yahrzeit

Avi's yahrzeit starts tonight. I posted on Facebook and friends and acquaintances have been commenting all day.

Chanuka 2014

Avi was born on a Saturday night on the 5th night of Chanuka. Once again, the 5th night fell on Saturday night. And once again, I layned Mikketz from the Torah.

Many people assume that it "must" be hard on me during this time of year, especially when I layn. Why "must" I? Are there any rules that I must follow?

Rather, my focus last week was to chant the Torah at least half as well as Avi had done on his bar mitzvah and the two years since. Last Shabbat was a day for remembering Avi's bar mitzvah. There is no reason why it should have been hard. If any time "must be hard" on me, it would be Presidents Week in February.

Today is Avi's 24th Birthday.

Comment on Charles Blow's Page

Avi died peacefully of natural causes. That's a lot different from having five... (Please click this link for the entire comment.

Retiring Avi's Computer

I retired Avi's computer earlier this year. I kept it in service long after he would have. Avi had built his computer over eight years ago. He had perfected his coding, web design and chess skills on it. After over eight years, the hardware could no longer keep up with the newer technology. At least he got to enjoy it for a half a year. It's staying with us and we can get occasional, off-line use from it.

Avi's Eighth Yahrzeit Begins Saturday Night, January 25, 2014

The yahrzeit this year is nearly a month ahead of the civil date, February 23.

Avi died during the Presidents Week school vacation. I find that period harder than even the yahrzeit. Each year from the Friday preceding the vacation through the following Friday, I recall in detail the events of each of those days back in 2006.

December 15, 2013: Avi's 23rd Birthday

Tributes are being left today on my Facebook page and on the open Facebook
group started by his classmates, RIP Avi Lapidus.

The Fifth Night of Chanukah

Last night was Avi's 23rd Hebrew birthday.

His three nephews were still at our home. They were curious about Avi's photographs. How old was he in a particular photo? How old was the picture of him before a chess board?

They are not old enough to start asking "Why?"

Nephews

The candles in Avi's hanukkiya remain unlit. I don't say anything. I let the hanukkiya speak for itself.

This year, his three small nephews - AY, Ezzy and Reuven - will be celebrating Chanukah in our home this evening for the first time. They will see all the hanukkiyot to be lighted. They will see the one that will not be. I don't know what they will make of it.

IT Pro

I've been following some of the writings of IT pros about the computer problems plaguing the enrollments for the Affordable Care Act. Are they primarily hardware or software issues? Avi would have been the family's expert on the subject. Who knows--perhaps he would have been part of the solutions.

Most of his friends are out of college. Those whom I know have found responsible positions, remain observant Jews and will contribute greatly to the betterment of this world.

I'm still using Avi's computer. Microsoft will render its operating system obsolete next April. I may take it off the Internet, but I'll have continued use for it. Avi, however, probably would have retired it long ago.

Avi Lapidus Memorial Prize

On a happier note, Michael Edery was the recipient yesterday of the Avi Lapidus Memorial Prize. I understand that Michael is competent in computer technology and he will study it next fall in college. I hope to learn more.

It's been a while.

It's been a while since I last posted. I was planning to post on Avi's 22nd birthday last December 15. However, it was the day after the events of December 14. (I'm not specific so that search engines do not intrude on what others might be looking for.) I have too good an idea what those parents, the parents of the bombing victim, the parents of the school children in Oklahaoma, as well as those parents whose children's deaths did not make the national news are and will continue to be going through.

On Chanukah, we again displayed Avi's chanukiya and left it unlit. On Pesach, Avi's unfilled kiddush cup remained on the table. I haven't shared with you yet the two additional verses that I've been adding for a number of years to the end of each Amidah. I'll say more about them in the future.

Yesterday was the HHNE graduation ceremony. One of the graduates had just suffered the painful death of a 14-year-old cousin a day or so before.

At least, Avi died in a bed and was buried intact.

President's Week each year has me reliving Avi's final days. He sat next to me Shabbat morning. He led Maariv that evening. We needed him for a minyan Sunday morning. He was feeling tired, nothing that struck as as unusual, but when we called him to come, he came.

It turned out that he had forgotten his tefillin. As a lefty, there was no ready replacement. After Shaharit ended, he surprised me with a big smile on his face. He was wearing tefillin! Hillel, a couple of years younger, was another lefty and he gave his tefillin to Avi.

Perhaps, I'll write about the rest of the week later.

KnowledgeSutra

I just discovered another computer and gaming Internet board that Avi had contributed to: KnowledgeSutra.


He's still listed as a member. His status is "offline"--an understatement.

I can't be specific.

I've been avoiding mentioning names, the location or other specifics about the deaths one week ago to avoid having my posts show up on search engine results meant for the victims.

I can more than imagine what the children's and staff members' families are enduring, especially during this holiday season. I'm thinking of all the toys and other presents already purchased, which would have added to the joys of the season but are now adding to the grief.

One of the parents, maybe a few more, had the composure to speak in public about the children. For more than two years, I was unable to speak about Avi in public. I could barely speak during his unveiling.

Avi would have been 22 today.

Once again, I layned Avi's bar mitzvah sedra, Mikketz.

The massacre of children the day before changed my perspective today. Avi did not reach his 16th birthday. Yesterday's victims won't reach their 8th.

At least he died in a bed...

May the parents and family members today find strength over the coming months and years.

The 5th Night of Chanukah 2012

Tonight would have been Avi's 22nd Hebrew birthday. Avi's computer is still alive. Who know--maybe it will last longer than 15 years. Avi now has three nephews. The two older ones, Aharon Yosef and Ezzie, now 5 and 3 respectively, have seen our pictures of their uncle displayed in our home, so they have some awareness. They'll of course start asking more questions as they get older and visit us. They would have had a lot of fun and learning together. I can only fantasize...

HHNE Avi Lapidus Memorial Award 2012

Elisha Lifshutz, whose family had moved into the Beth David community the summer after Avi's death (and thus had never met him), was the recipient last month of the annual memorial award.

Elisha is a regular synagogue attendee, as well as a frequent and accomplished ba'al qore. He plans to use his stipend for his studies in Israel next year.

Avi himself was a frequent and reliable ba'al kore at HHNE. As noted in an early post in 2006, Avi had been slated to layn Terumah, which turned out to be the sedra the week following his death.

Terumah

The Shabbat afternoon, Monday, Thursday layning this week was the last Torah portion that Avi prepared for. He was scheduled to read it at school. He never got to.

Sixth Yahrzeit

This Shabbat will be Avi's sixth yahrzeit, which we'll observe at Beth David Synagogue. Everyone in attendance will know about it, but I wonder how many will actually mention Avi's name and share memories, versus how many will feel too awkward? Silence is painful.

The Fifth Night of Chanuka, 21 Years Later

On the fifth night of Chanuka 21 years ago, Avi came into this world on a Saturday night. This past Shabbat morning, I continued my tradition of taking over the chanting of Avi's bar mitzvah sedra eight years ago, Mikketz, the story of Joseph's rise to power in Egypt.

I couldn't help but keep back tears when I reached the verse containing the words, כִּי-אָחִיו מֵת--"because his brother is dead." (Gen 42:38) Jacob gets his son back. I don't get mine.

Avi would have been 21 today, December 15.

Avi's last birthday party, December 15, 2005.

Offir Ben-Naim Receives Avi Lapidus Memorial Award

From the West Hartford Patch:

“HHNE teachers take their students’ growth personally,” said Offir Ben-Naim, who was the recipient of the Avi Lapidus Memorial Scholarship Award for his commitment to Judaism and love of technology. (Avi Lapidus was a freshman at the school when the West Hartford teen died ... in 2006.) Ben-Naim said he has learned that “by going above and beyond what is expected, you can accomplish great things,” and went on to give examples of ways the faculty at HHNE go beyond the call of duty: meeting students at Starbucks for study groups; making themselves available by phone, or inviting students over for Sabbath dinner on Friday nights.

Prof. Miki Neumann (1946-2011), who had dedicated his 2006 Shavu'ot study to Avi.

Miki Neumann, chairman of the UConn math department, died suddenly and prematurely on Thursday morning, April 21.

As the volunteer ritual director of Beth David Synagogue, it was Miki who assigned Avi to lead services on Shabbat mornings and Saturday evenings, including Avi's very last time at the amud (lectern) on February 18, 2006.

Among numerous other accomplishments, Miki held a doctorate in computer science. Who knows: perhaps that is the direction that Avi would have headed in?

On the first Tikkun Leil Shavu'ot after Avi's death, Miki dedicated his presentation to Avi. Please click the title above for the text of the dedication.

Avi's php tips

Just click the title of this post. (Repost with revised URL. Original was published in 2009.)

Five years ago today

This blog's initial post.

Mishna Study Today in Memory of Avi

Mishna Daily - Sunday, 1/30/2011 Sunday, January 30, 2011 7:14 AM From: "Mishna Daily" Subscribe to: MishnaDaily@gmail.com Today's Mishnayos learning should be L'iluy Nishmas Avraham Yehuda ben Yoel Shalom. Sponsored by Menachem Lapidus at Yeshiva Ateres Shimon. Today's Mishnayos Mesechtas Demai Perek 4, Mishna 4,5,6 See text below Today's recording can be played and/or downloaded here: #49_Demai_Perek4_Mishna4-6 The recording is available as well via telephone by calling (641) 715-3462 access code 309952#. Today's Mishnayos are reference #49. For previous recordings, choose the corresponding reference number, or email us for the corresponding link. Please take this opportunity to encourage your friends to join. Forward them this email and/or have them send an email to MishnaDaily@gmail.com with "Subscribe" in the subject. ד,ד מי שקרא שם לתרומת מעשר של דמאי, או למעשר עני של ודאי--לא ייטלם בשבת. אם היה כוהן או עני למודים לאכול אצלו--יבואו ויאכלו, ובלבד שיודיעם ד,ה האומר למי שאינו נאמן על המעשרות, קח לי ממי שהוא נאמן וממי שהוא מעשר--אינו נאמן; מאיש פלוני, הרי זה נאמן. הלך ליקח לו ממנו, אמר לו לא מצאתיו ולקחתי לך מאחר שהוא נאמן--אינו נאמן ד,ו הנכנס לעיר ואינו מכיר אדם שם, ואמר, מי כאן נאמן, ומי כאן מעשר, אמר לו אחד, אני--אינו נאמן; איש פלוני, הרי זה נאמן. הלך ולקח ממנו, אמר לו, מי כאן מוכר ישן, אמר לו, מי ששלחך אצלי--אף על פי שהן כגומלין זה את זה, הרי אלו נאמנין Mishna Daily is a project of Yeshiva Ateres Shimon in Far Rockaway, NY For more information about the Mishnayos program email MishnaDaily@gmail.com For more information about Yeshiva Ateres Shimon email AteresShimon@gmail.com

Tonight, 25 Shevat, begins the 5th Yahrzeit

This afternoon on the eve of Avi's fifth yahrzeit, I gave a devar torah at seudah sh'lisheet. These are the approximate words:

We just read Terumah. Avi was scheduled to layn Terumah at the Hebrew HS of New England 5 years ago after the Presidents’ Week break. That was not to be.

When he was twelve, Avi had spotted and perused in the Gibeley’s home an English translation of the 15^th century commentary of Rabbi Ovadiah Sforno. When his bar mitzvah came, Avi received his own copy of that sefer from the Gibeleys.

Terumah has passage that about the commandment to fashion a golden menorah (Exodus 25:31-37. It was to be placed in the Mishkan and, later, in the Temple in Jerusalem.

I chose this passage because Avi’s lengthy bar mitzvah portion on the 8^th day of Chanuka in Sefer Bamidbar concludes with the commandments on the placement and lighting of the seven wicks. I will use Rabbi Sforno’s commentary on Terumah, which refers to one of the menorah verses in the Chanuka reading.

וְעָשִׂיתָ מְנוֹרַת זָהָב טָהוֹר

פסוק לא
וְעָשִׂיתָ מְנרַת זָהָב טָהור כֻּלָּהּ. אַחַר סִדּוּר שְׁנֵי הַכְּתָרִים, וְהֵם כֶּתֶר תּורָה בָּאָרון וְכֶתֶר מַלְכוּת בַּשֻּׁלְחָן, סִדֵּר עִנְיַן מְנורָה, מִקְשָׁה אַחַת, וְאור נֵרותֶיהָ אֶחָד, כְּאָמְרו,

...

פסוק לז

וְהֵאִיר עַל עֵבֶר פָּנֶיהָ…

וְזֶה שֶׁיִּהְיֶה אור נֵרות הַיָּמִין וְנֵרות הַשְּׂמאל מְכֻוָּן אֶל הָאֶמְצָעִי. וְכֵן רָאוּי שֶׁיִּהְיֶה עִנְיַן הָאור הַשִּׂכְלִי בַּחֵלֶק הָעִיּוּנִי וְגַם כֵּן אורו בַּחֵלֶק הַמַּעֲשִׂי, שֶׁיִּהְיוּ פונִים אֶל הָאור הָעֶלְיון לְעָבְדו שְׁכֶם אֶחָד, כִּי אָז יָאִירוּ כֻלָּם, כְּמו שֶׁיָּעַד בַּמְּנורָה בְּאָמְרו "בְּהַעֲלתְךָ אֶת הַנֵּרות, אֶל מוּל פְּנֵי הַמְּנורָה יָאִירוּ שִׁבְעַת הַנֵּרות.. וְזֶה מַעֲשֵׂה הַמְּנרָה מִקְשָׁה" (במדבר ח, ב ד), כִּי בִּהְיות כָּל הָאור מְכֻוָּן לְאֶחָד בְּעִנְיַן הַמִּקְשָׁה הַמּורֶה אַחְדוּת, אָז נִרְאֶה אור כִּי יָהֵל מִן הַמָּאור הַגָּדול.

My translation with interpolations:

After God had arranged for the Crown of Torah to be placed in the Ark and the Crown of Kingship to be placed on the Shulchan (table), He arranged for a menorah to be made from pure gold and that the light of all the wicks should combine into one light, as the Torah states in verses 31 and 37:

“All of it shall be from one piece…to give off light over against it (the center lamp).”

Rabbi Sforno explains that the wicks on the right side of the menorah and the wicks on the left side should all be directed towards the wick at the center. It’s proper that this be so, because the lights on one side represent the intellectual part of the Torah, and the lights on the other side represent the performance of practical mitzvoth. They all point towards the Divine Light at the center to serve Him of one accord, because then, all will combine and illuminate together, just as it specifies in Sefer Bamidbar: “When you light the lamps, the seven lamps shall give light over against the central lamp…And this is the work of the menorah, it should be fashioned out of one piece…”

When all the light is directed to just one--just as there was just one slab of gold to teach us the lesson of unity—then the lights will be seen as shining from one great light.

The translator of Avi’s book explains: “The central theme of the menorah is unity—the unity of Israel and…of God… By bending the wicks…to the center, which represents the Divine light, we are taught that all segments of Israel and all areas of Torah are to be united together and directed to a common purpose… [T]he light of Torah and of Israel shall shine forth, emanating from the one great source of light – Almighty God.”

Avi was like the menorah, absorbing light from his Torah and rabbinic studies, and sharing light with his classmates, showing them how to perform mitzvoth such as tefilla. (I expanded on this extemporaneously)

Paper on William T. Sherman

We came across this 2004 homework assignment about the general.

Avi would have been 20 years old today.

Avi's 15th--and last--birthday celebration.

The Fifth Candle

Tonight is the 29th of Kislev, the fifth night of Chanuka, and Avi's twentieth Hebrew birthday.

This morning for the fifth year, I read Avi's bar mitzvah portion, Miketz, in his memory.
Most everybody knew why I was layning, but no one said anything.

Again, the unlit menorah

Last night was the start of Chanukah. Once again, we displayed Avi's menorah next to our own. As in previous years and for the rest of Chanukah, Avi's menorah will contain the correct number of candles for each night.

Like the four previous years, they will remain unlit.

Avi's Nephew

My three-year-old grandson, Aharon Yosef, last weekend saw an old photo taken in the early 1990s showing his father, me, and my father who was holding Avi. AY wanted to know who the four in the picture were. I named them, including "Uncle Avi" without elaborating and without AY asking additional questions. Some day he will ask.

What not to do.

A recent death prompts this thought: a shiva call is not the time to pump the bereaved for information on the cause of death of their loved one. If the mourner volunteers the circumstances, fine. Otherwise, it's no one's business.

I did not find it helpful when well-meaning people dropped in on the same day that Avi had died seeking details. It's natural for one to want to know details about premature deaths, but the temptation needs to be resisted.

I especially resented on the first night of our shiva for Avi the visit of one gentleman who seemed to have something other than consoling us on his mind. He was there only to satisfy his curiosity. He should have been thrown out.

Also, I have no patience for rumor-mongers, who speculate and then spread false theories about how a person died. I had heard one such foolish rumor not too long ago. I reacted in no uncertain terms.

The HHNE graduating class...

...is the first one that did not attend school at the same time as Avi. I'm wondering how to keep his memory and ma'asim tovim (good deeds) alive at HHNE besides on his yahrzeit and during commencement.

4th annual HHNE Avi Lapidus Memorial Award...

...was given last evening during the graduation ceremony to Hillel Adler.

Here is a description of the award. Incidentally, the last pair of tefillin that Avi wore at his last minyan on his last Sunday was Hillel's. Both were lefties. (Avi of course had his own set, which was not available that day.)

Internet Security

Avi was becoming an expert at enhancing Internet security, having upgraded the security of three gaming-networking sites and one Jewish bulletin board.

I can't know to what extent he would have got involved with Facebook or what he would have made of so many of his friends and contemporaries getting duped by fake "friends," conjured up by scammers to access personal information.

I was solicited last week by a fake profile and noticed that a close relative was among those taken in. I spent the past few days warning other victims and I could not help but notice the number of those who were born in 1990 and 1991.

Passover 2010

As has become our custom since Passover 2006, we had two special cups on our seder table.

The first was the traditional Cup of Elijah, filled with wine after the meal but from which nobody drank.

The second was Avi's kiddush cup for Pesach, which remained empty and from which nobody drank.

The tradition is that Elijah will return.
The reality is that Avi won't.

Yahrzeit Minyan at HHNE

I led services Tuesday morning at Avi's last school to mark his yahrzeit. All those who were HHNE students when Avi died have since graduated and leading lives of their own. There are still a few who knew Avi from the Hebrew Academy and Beth David Synagogue.

Morning services at HHNE have improved considerably since Avi's time, and he would have appreciated the improved atmosphere. The students are now divided into different minyanim (prayer groups) according to their knowledge and commitment. While he would have been with other advanced students, Avi would have missed the opportunity to help and influence those who were less familiar with the prayers.

I remembered where Avi was the very last time that we were together at HHNE, when he saw me marking my mother's yahrzeit.

That was less than three weeks before I had to start reciting Kaddish for him.

Avi's Fourth Yahrzeit, Monday Evening, February 8

My memories of Avi's final hours remain and shall continue to remain as fresh as they were four years ago.

Another Promising Young Man

A promising young man, 16, was killed yesterday in a school bus crash. The story is linked above.

Another gifted teenager, whose family had no reason to think that he would not return safely. And out of all the people on the bus, he was the unlucky victim.

Naturally, this story is a trigger for me, just as the newly-grieving family will experience triggers of their own in years to come.

My experience as a bereaved parent can give me only a little more insight into the bottomless pit into which the family was thrown. No words of condolence are adequate.

Avi's memorial blog provides a means for sharing and opportunities for other bereaved parents to connect with me and to allow me to bring my experiences as a rabbi and counselor to them.

UPDATE:
I read in the paper today that his family had not known that her son was number one in his class. They will learn more good things that may surprise them. Such was the case with my son, as I recounted here back in 2006.

Bar Mitzvah on the Eigth Day of Hanuka

This past Shabbat was the sixth anniversary ov Avi's bar mitzvah celebration. The final day of Hanuka fell on Shabbat, meaning that Saturday's Torah and haftarah (reading from the Prophets) portions were the same as those chanted by Avi. You may recall from earlier posts that Avi chanted his Torah portion for the next two years, and that I took them over for the two years following his death.

Today, I chanted two sections. Like last year and the year before, I was moved by the verse in which Jacob refuses to let his youngest son, Benjamin, go down to Egypt because his full brother, Joseph, was dead, leaving Benjamin as the only son of Rachel. Jacob and I shared the same intense grief of a father who had lost a son. The difference, of course, was that Jacob got to see Joseph alive again after many years.

This morning, a new bar mitzvah boy, chanted part of the reading. Avi would have been pleased by the Hebrew Academy student's layning and by his leading the entire morning services.
I am encouraging the young man (without mentioning the reason) to layn in the future all the Torah portions that Avi would still have been chanting.

Through my layning, I memorialized Avi. I can't think of a better way, however, to perpetuate Avi's legacy than to have other b'nai mitzvah follow his example.

The Fifth Candle

Avi was born the fifth night of Hanuka, 29 Kislev, in Elmira, NY.

As has been our custom, we take out Avi's hanukiya (menorah) each night of the holiday, we put in the candles, but they remain unlit.

After we lit candles from our own hanukiya, Susie and I watched the video of Avi's third grade Solomon Schechter class performing Hanuka songs on NBC30 TV, which was part of an interfaith discussion program that included Rabbi Adler.

19

Avi would have turned 19 this coming evening, December 15, the fifth night of Hanuka, according to both the Hebrew and secular calendars.

Avi at the Hebrew Academy Science Fair 2003

Ben Perlsweig sent us these photos of Avi, Michael Freilich, Ben and their teacher, Dr. Emily Buch, from the spring of 2003.

Rabbi William Cohen, z"l, together again

The rabbi emeritus of Beth David Synagogue, Rabbi William Cohen, died this past Shabbat, a few weeks short of his 90th birthday. He was buried today near where Avi is buried. They are now together again, about the same distance that they were at Beth David.

Rabbi Cohen knew Avi, who sat almost directly below Rabbi Cohen's seat each Shabbat. Even months after Avi's death, Rabbi Cohen could not talk about him without having to suppress a tear.

At the conclusion of the internment, I spotted a few people stopping by to view Avi's headstone. I kept my distance to allow them to reflect undistracted by my presence.

Whenever I visit the cemetery for Avi, I also stop by Mo Handler's grave. Mo was a gabbai and daily attendee who had first met the ten-year-old Avi in 2000, and celebrated Avi's bar mitzvah in 2003. Mo, a nonagenerian, died a half a year after Avi.

From now on, I'll be including Rabbi Cohen in my visits. Avi was separated from Mr. Handler and Rabbi Cohen by 75 years. They are separated no more.

The Jewish holy days came...

...and went.

Susie and I did get to spend the first two days of Succot in Far Rockaway with Avi's two nephews and their parents. Life goes on, and Avi doesn't.