"How many children do you have?" - Revisited
Last May 30, I posted about I would answer the inevitable question, "How many children do you have?"
When I answer the question the way I have been, a damper is placed on the inquirer and my loss becomes the primary topic, which I don't always want to occur. How to avoid that? I haven't quite figured that out.
Last month, a bereaved mother with the same dilemma told me that she and her husband, a rabbinic colleague, avoid that question when going to public dinners (weddings, sedarim, etc.) attended by new people by finding a table just for themselves (or with old acquaintances). I don't think that approach would be best for me.
Perhaps, I could respond, "I have two adult children." (Chana turned 18 last month.)
That response is sufficiently ambiguous to satisfy the inquirer, while allowing me not to exclude the existence of another child - the one who will never enjoy adulthood.
When I answer the question the way I have been, a damper is placed on the inquirer and my loss becomes the primary topic, which I don't always want to occur. How to avoid that? I haven't quite figured that out.
Last month, a bereaved mother with the same dilemma told me that she and her husband, a rabbinic colleague, avoid that question when going to public dinners (weddings, sedarim, etc.) attended by new people by finding a table just for themselves (or with old acquaintances). I don't think that approach would be best for me.
Perhaps, I could respond, "I have two adult children." (Chana turned 18 last month.)
That response is sufficiently ambiguous to satisfy the inquirer, while allowing me not to exclude the existence of another child - the one who will never enjoy adulthood.
posted by Jay Lapidus at 4:23 PM
1 Comments:
i feel for you deeply, but i must tell you that in my circle "bichlal," it is very common not to disclose how many children one has - even if one has r"l not suffered a tragedy. i know a woman with 13 ka"h children who typically answers - with a chuckle - "a lot," or "exactly enough." maybe you could just answer, "thank G-d," or something equally ambiguous. i think most people will sense not to press further.
Post a Comment
<< Home