The Hebrew Month of MarShevat

I call this month not Shevat but rather MarShevat - "Bitter Shevat." The prefix mar - bitter - is the same one that Jewish tradition appends to the Hebrew month of Heshvan, the only month on the Jewish calendar that does not have a single Jewish holy day.

The three yahrzeits that I observe occur in the month of MarShevat - my father's on the 2nd, my mother's on the 8th (this past Shabbat), and now the 25th - Avi's.

Mishnayot Learning Program Sign-Up

Here is the website for the Mishnayot Learning Program:
http://www.virtualparagon.com/learning/mishnayot/?for=lapidus

Mishnayot learning program l'ilui nishmat
Avi Lapidus / Avraham Yehudah ben Harav Yoel Shalom v'Chaya Eidel.
Learning to be completed by Yarhtzeit on Shevat 25 (February 13, 2007). Tizku L'Mitzvot.

I'm planning to conduct the siyyum at Beth David Synagogue following the 6:30 AM Shaharit service. I expect a comparable program at the Hebrew High School of New England that day.

Siyyum Mishnayot Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Avi's first yahrzeit occurs this year on February 13. I'm arranging another siyyum mishanyot, just as we had to mark the sheloshim last year.

Details will come shortly.

In the meantime, I dreamt again about Avi last night. Instead of dying, he began to slowly recover.

"Dream as wish fulfillment." I have accepted Avi's death only on the intellectual/rational level.

The Nightmare Continues

I remain in a state of disbelief and I still pine for my lifeless son. I know that he cannot hear me and that he is not coming back, but what else am I to do?

Although we use Avi's room for guests and we make liberal use of his computer, we still face the painful task of giving away his clothes and some of his possessions. We procrastinate to delay the inevitable, increased pain.

I see Avi's classmates and I try to imagine what Avi would have looked like as a sixteen year old. How tall would he have been? How would his body have progressed toward manhood?

When I can, I'll post photos from each year of Avi's short life.

Avi's Bar Mitzvah Anniversary

Saturday, December 23, ten months after Avi's death, was the eighth day of Chanuka with exactly the same Torah readings as those at his bar mitzvah ceremony. I chanted them in their entirety.

When I came to the words found in the special Chanuka portion from the Book of Numbers that are inscribed on Avi's headstone, VaYishma et haQol middabber elav, "...and he heard the Voice speaking to him...", I slowed down and raised my voice as I pronounced each word.

Avi's bar mitzvah haftarah, I Kings 7:40-50, is not often read because it occurs only when the last day of Chanuka coincides with Shabbat. The last time was at Avi's bar mitzvah. He would have chanted it this year, just as he would have chanted the Torah portions.

I chanted the haftarah, but I did not end the reading with the customary flourish, and I chanted the concluding blessings without the customary, upbeat Shabbat melody. I was in no mood.