Nightmare...or Dream?
My thoughts sometimes alternate:
Am I living through a nightmare?
Or, was Avi a fifteen-year dream?
I still call out for Avi, even though I know that he cannot hear and that he won't come back. So why do I do it? For the same reasons why I pray for other things, like a perfect world, that won't ever happen.
At times, I imagine this dialogue:
ME: Avi, come back!
AVI: Abba, Abba, you know I can't come back. Stop calling out for me. I am dead. Stop bothering me.
The holiday of Simchat Torah concluded today. I fulfilled the commandment of being joyous, and I helped to make the holiday joyous for my fellow congregants. Still, while other fathers were stitting next to their sons, I continued to sit next to an empty pew with a tallis draped over it.
Am I living through a nightmare?
Or, was Avi a fifteen-year dream?
I still call out for Avi, even though I know that he cannot hear and that he won't come back. So why do I do it? For the same reasons why I pray for other things, like a perfect world, that won't ever happen.
At times, I imagine this dialogue:
ME: Avi, come back!
AVI: Abba, Abba, you know I can't come back. Stop calling out for me. I am dead. Stop bothering me.
The holiday of Simchat Torah concluded today. I fulfilled the commandment of being joyous, and I helped to make the holiday joyous for my fellow congregants. Still, while other fathers were stitting next to their sons, I continued to sit next to an empty pew with a tallis draped over it.
posted by Jay Lapidus at 9:08 PM
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