"His name is guilt"

Glen Holman, himself a bereaved father, emailed me shortly after I had created this weblog. His blog, "Moving On," remains for me an invaluable resource.

In the hours and days after Avi's death, Susie and I felt enormous guilt. I had known from my counseling training that guilt feelings are irrational, but I still had them. This excerpt from Glen's blog entry of February 28 (click on the title of this post) provided me with a powerful antidote to the poison of guilt:

Hashem created a Yetzer Hara specifically for the difficult times in life but there is a specific Yetzer Hara for bereaved parents. His name is guilt. He is sly and powerful. He neither sleeps nor gets tired. And he takes advantage of every opportunity that he gets. And his helper is our need to be in control. Human nature incites us to find someone to blame. But there is a weakness that exists in this Yetzer Hara. His weakness is that he has no independent life source. He lives because we give him life. Our own conscience is his life source. We need to recognize 2 things. Firstly, that there are certain things that are beyond our control. And secondly, that I need to do my best with whatever is in my control. How we react to crisis is in my control. And how you both handled yourselves is something that your family and you can be very proud of. Don’t give life to the guilt.