What not to do.

A recent death prompts this thought: a shiva call is not the time to pump the bereaved for information on the cause of death of their loved one. If the mourner volunteers the circumstances, fine. Otherwise, it's no one's business.

I did not find it helpful when well-meaning people dropped in on the same day that Avi had died seeking details. It's natural for one to want to know details about premature deaths, but the temptation needs to be resisted.

I especially resented on the first night of our shiva for Avi the visit of one gentleman who seemed to have something other than consoling us on his mind. He was there only to satisfy his curiosity. He should have been thrown out.

Also, I have no patience for rumor-mongers, who speculate and then spread false theories about how a person died. I had heard one such foolish rumor not too long ago. I reacted in no uncertain terms.